My heart is aching right now with discontentment. I yearn to be with the Father right now and to be completely done with this thing called life. It's days and weeks like this that I literally cannot wait for Heaven. School is taking all of me and swallowing me whole and my sleep schedule is out of whack. Just when you think you have everything under control and you become proud of yourself for "having everything under control", Jesus shakes you up and shows you otherwise. It's early in the week (only Tuesday), but I am already drained and running on empty. Tests, writing assignments, quizzes, reading... I'm going crazy. But it is in these moments when God strips me of all my accomplishments and all my pride and shows me how broken I am. I have run astray lately and He is calling me to draw near to Him. My prayer for so long has been to be consumed by our sweet Father and His never-ending grace for us, but I have taken advantage of it. My bible study met last night and things got very real and to the core that stripped me of my pride. Last night, we covered the topic of sin. It was a crazy realization of how much I abandon and neglect my Creator. We read from multiple scripture, but a few that really shook me up we John 14:12 and 1 John 3:8-9.

"Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." - John 14:12.

"The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work. No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God." - 1 John 3:8-9. 

Friends, this is some really dense and heavy stuff. At least for me.

From these verses, we got to talking about the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is seriously crazy awesome. Like, I was giddy and pumped up talking about it last night.

It's so sweet seeing now, as a 19 year old college student, what the Holy Spirit is capable of doing and what I am capable of rejecting. Way too often do I have a gut feeling about doing things and I instead choose to ignore them. Life has been like this since Adam and Eve and the fall of mankind. But seriously, it amazes me how much I choose sinning over glorifying Christ and listening to the Holy Spirit.

We were given this great gift of the Holy Spirit as children of Christ to be warned when we are falling into temptation, but what do we do? We don't listen. I don't listen. I'm stubborn. I ignore. I take pride in rebellion. But that is NOT who we were created to be! The sweet Father cares enough about us to let us have something that reminds us of glorifying Him and when we do, we become more holy as a result. Sin is a disease of the heart that we are unable to fix ourselves. It breaks you down and makes you raw.

Read 1 John 3:8-9 over again. It gives me chills. Big time. When we sin, we are doing things of the devil. WHAAAAAAAT. I know in my mind, when I catch myself sinning and I ignore it, I say to myself, "Eh, whatever. It's no big deal. I have a God who loves me. There's some grace for that." That is entirely true, but that is not living a life of humility. I am taking advantage of God's grace. I don't deserve this life and God could have very easily decided not to give us the Holy Spirit, but He DID. He gave us the Holy Spirit for a reason! And when we listen to it and have faith in that gut feeling that we so hate sometimes, GREAT things are able to happen. Now read John 14:12 again...

We have the ability to do even GREATER things than what Christ did.

That blows my mind. God's Son left a legacy on this earth and is the main character of literally the best-selling book year after year after year.

The same Spirit that was with Christ when He died on the cross for you and for me is the same Spirit that dwells within us now and forever more. 

Wow. That grinds my gears to think that I have the same power that Christ did in me to do these amazing things, but instead I choose to go my separate way. As John 14:12 says, the whole reason that Christ came was to get rid of sin and get rid of the devil's work. Let's defeat this sin together, friends.

So my prayer this week is for you and for me. When we feel deep conviction from the Holy Spirit of our sin, let's not throw them under the radar. Let's bring them to the light and find a way to slowly but surely defeat them. God calls us to righteousness, but to His righteousness, not our own. Don't hold back. Don't be afraid. Be transparent and allow yourself to be broken. After all, we aren't our own saviors. Come to him now so you can be made blameless and spotless in His sight. We were made to live extraordinary lives and do extraordinary things. Don't sell yourself short. Defeat this sin and draw near.

What you deem "impossible" in your mind is redeemed "attainable" through Christ. 

Come to Him tonight. I know I am.

{abundance}

Hey, ya'll. I know I haven't done this is a good, long while, but I'm back! I promise! Lots has been happening lately, and this summer was great (which I will catch you all up on in a post coming soon), but tonight was just too great not to share. And just what I've been learning this week in all.

Tonight was our first club of the year at Tates Creek High School. For those that don't know, I am involved in a Christian Organization called Young Life that is all about Jesus. Leaders (college-aged or older) can be placed as leaders and go into the schools to build positive, healthy relationships with high school and middle school students and earn the right to be heard in order to share the gospel with our middle and high school friends. Well, as a part of Young Life, an event that the leaders put together is called club. Club is usually once a week at a student from the high school's house. While there, students will laugh together, play games together, sing songs together, watch skits together, and finally hear something about Jesus together. It's pretty freaking great.

I just can't even explain to you how happy my heart gets while at club. And tonight was kidnap club! Even better! Students that typically come to club will arrive early and then go out for 20 minutes to "kidnap" their friends to bring and introduce them to club! It's a great opportunity to get to meet some new faces!

And that's exactly what happened. There were so many new faces at club tonight! Like, seriously. It was awesome. There were lots of clothes pins, lots of crickets, lots of Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift, and lots and lots of laughs! At the beginning, when the kids that typically come were arriving, there were absolutely NO girls in sight, so I was feeling a bit discouraged. But literally, the Lord ROCKED me. The few girls that could drive ended up kidnapping up TONS of girls. It was crazy! I got to meet so many new people; I loved it!

Afterwards, as usual, we headed off to McDonalds and I got the chance to take a couple new girls there and home. It was a big blessing to me, though. There wasn't any awkward silence, nothing. Lots of talking. It was just so natural. Gosh. I ended up getting a few girls' numbers to invite them to other events and I am super pumped about getting to know them. 

Needless to say, I drove home crying my eyes out and praising our sweet Lord for His goodness to me lately.

All this made me put together everything God has been putting right in front of my face.

I had actually been dreading this week also, because this upcoming Sunday marks 1 year since my heart-of-a-servant mother passed away and all the events kept flooding my mind. 

But the Lord has really put something on my heart lately and that's abundance. 

Through these dreadful, yet exciting preparations for this week, I have been learning that God gives abundantly in every way possibly.

I see it in my ministry at Tates Creek where He offers new life. I see it in the number of students that came to club tonight. I see it in His love when I feel alone. I see it in my mother's passing and her new life with Jesus. I see it in His grace when I never fail to fail Him. I see it in the number of changes and trials I have gone through this year with Him by my side. I see it in answers to desperate prayers. I see it in the number of good conversations tonight. But, I see it most blatantly in John 10:10. 

Not only was this perfectly placed in the club talk without me knowing it (thanks, Rouse), but also it was the verse on my journal entry from a year ago when my mom was in the hospital and the reoccurring verse that would randomly appear in everything thereafter. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." - John 10:10.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this was indeed the verse that was my "theme" during the  struggle in my heart of not being in control of whether or not my mom lived. It was also the verse that they read at the church service I went to that week. Is it a coincidence that the verse is popping up again at a club talk the exact week that marks one year? I think not. That's God. That is God being personal and intimate by pulling on my heart strings and reminding me of His sweet promise. He just wants us to have the fullest life possible. Only that fullness can come from Him, friends. And I pray that my sweet friends at Tates Creek will join in on this offer of life. Because He is abundant. Abundant in love, abundant in grace, abundant in promises, and offers us a genuine, full, abundant life.

Whether it means being in Heaven with Jesus prasing our Father like my mom or even accepting His offer to live in freedom on this earth without any more burdens, I think we all should "have life and have it abundantly" because that's what Christ came for.


... Just thought I would add to this because it's relevant..
I was just journaling, and guess what the quote on the page says. JUST GUESS. Here it is:

"We know that [God] gives us every grace, every abundant grace; and though we are so weak of ourselves, this grace is able to carry us through every obstacle and difficulty." - Elizabeth Ann Seton.

That really hit home. Especially since I read it after the fact of writing this blog post. Crazy how He works. He is so good to us and won't leave us to fend for ourselves. Ya'll, our God is mighty to save!

... Sorry this keeps happening, but I can't help but add little things that God does to remind me! I was reading through old Facebook posts from a year ago when my mom was in the hospital and saw that I posted this verse:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort." - 1 Corinthians 1:3-7.

Okay this is just too cool how this word keeps showing up in everything. He is definitely trying to show me something here! Holy crap. Just reading through all my friends comments and messages from a year ago and seeing how much love, support, and prayers that people showed me only proves our Lord to be more real. This year has been a year of abundance for sure. Thankful for so many great friends that took so much out of their time to listen to me and love me so well. They truly "shared abundantly" in my suffering so I could see and feel the comfort of Christ. Blessed to have some great family and friends in my life. I wouldn't be who I am today without ya'll. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. Because of you, I know the comfort of Christ and the true meaning and importance of fellowship. Praise be to God!