anhelar: to long for; to yearn for; to desire; to crave; to be eager for ||
"Casey at the Bat" is officially "rounding third and heading for home". But in no way, shape, or form is this exciting like hitting a grand slam is. This is sad and it's hard because the end is so, so near. I think I put off writing this newsletter this time because I know I have a lot of processing to come. The next newsletter will be written when I'm back in the States. There is so much of me that wants to avoid the fact that in a mere 23 days I will be back "home" in Kentucky. I put quotation marks around home because I feel like I have two homes now. Two homes that welcome me in like I belong. Two homes where I feel equally comfortable. But no matter where I am, I miss the other. And I think it will always be like that, which sound brutal and miserable to forever be missing another place, but I truly wouldn't have it any other way. I've never felt like I fit in a place so well where it is so blatantly obvious that I stand out and am different, but I do. For that, I am grateful. My skin is the whitest of white. I get looked at as if I have a drawing of a potato on my forehead. Whether I am with other gringos or with Hondurans, some people will only talk to me in English, even if I respond in Spanish each time. I feel sad because I have under 1 month left here, but I don't feel scared one bit. I have this gut feeling. I have this deep, assuring promise in me that one day I'll be back. And it will be for good. The word "anhelar" means to long for, to yearn for, to desire, to crave, to be eager for. It's noun, "anhelo" means "deseo intenso o vehemente de una cosa", or "intense or passionate or fiery desire of something". The more and more I am here, I am seeing this "fiery desire", this "anhelo" igniting in me. There is just something here that makes sense.
This past month has been one for the books. I have had so many fun opportunities to really dive deep into the culture here and start being independent in living. My challenge this month was to "aprovechar" or "take advantage of" the time I have here. My biggest fear is that I won't seize the time I have here and use it up. I don't want to only be here to work in the Learning Center. I want to chase after so much more than that. The Young Life leader in me cannot function without getting to know the deep, real stories of people. I have middle school and high school-aged students, just like I did when I led Young Life. My role and duty as the intern at El Ayudante is to serve as a tutor in the Learning Center. But who I am is so much more than that. Being a tutor on campus is just a vehicle -- a catalyst -- to growing deep relationships here. I don't want to only be in the Learning Center from 8-4 everyday and then leave to stay in my apartment for the rest of the night. I don't want to check out for the rest of the day saying, "Phew! I've served my time today! I'm done!". No, I want to be PRESENT. I want to do the most I can to show my students, their families, and the rest of this community that I am above all a FRIEND. Yes, I absolutely pray that these students are learning and improving in school, but what I care about way more is that that these people that I get the privilege of working with know and come to understand that they are LOVED, and CARED FOR, and WORTHY. That they have a Father, a Savior who desires for them to "acercarse", or "draw near" to His everlasting love. I love teaching. I love this age group. But what my "anhelo" is for these students and what my "anhelo" is for my time here is to be a vessel for sharing the Gospel -- the mystery of the God of all coming to Earth in human form as a baby to, in His loving-kindness, create a way out of the destiny we deserve for our sin in Hell, but give us Eternal Life with Himself. More than anything, I want my words, actions, and how I carry myself to reflect the undeserved love and grace of my beloved Jesus.
Because of challenging myself in this way, this month has been full of fun, new experiences, which I love because it helps me understand the Honduran culture so much more. I have gotten to go to a "guayaba" (also known as "guava") farm and pick them straight off the tree and learn about how they're grown with one of my great friends, Cynthia, and her family. It is so interesting to me because honestly, I am clueless half the time about how the things I'm eating are grown. Later on this month, I also went to a different town about 2 hours away called Peña Blanca with Cynthia and her two sweet daughters to see the famous waterfalls Cataratas Pulhapanzak for a day and then stay the night with her friends Karen and Noe. Noe owns a coffee farm and sells it to a local coffee shop called El Dorao. We got to go to the coffee shop and he explained the entire process of "cosechando" or "harvesting" coffee. As a coffee fanatic, this amazed me. There is so much that goes into it and a lot of times we don't realize the stories of the people that are picking and exporting the things we eat and the coffee we drink. I appreciated Noe's willingness to share and explain his job to me, because I can be so oblivious. That weekend included beautiful waterfalls, fun bus rides, meeting new friends, learning about and drinking ALL the coffee (what's new? haha!), eating baleadas, and spending quality time with people I love. I am so thankful to have friends here that are willing to show me why they love their country because it makes me fall in love with Honduras that much more.
Another fun thing that I got to be here for was Easter, but even more so, Semana Santa, or Holy Week. This is something I have only dreamed of being here for, truly. Semana Santa is taken seriously in Honduras. Schools are closed for the entire week! Comayagua is known for their "alfombras", or beautiful, sawdust carpets, designed with such craftsmanship. I was giddy at the fact that I got to be in Comayagua for it!! A few of the girls at El Ayudante spent the night with two other missionaries, Sara and Kaedyn, and went to see the alfombras together. There were SO MANY as well as fun foods and a processional that walks through all of the carpets. I am so thankful to have gotten to experience this because it was a deeper glimpse into the culture of Honduras and showed the creativity of Comayagua! It was INCREDIBLE. I also got to see my Young Life Honduras friends!!
The rest of Holy Week was spent organizing the Learning Center, spending time with friends from the community, swimming, and lots of fun dinners with the El Ayudante staff. Corey-Ann and I even had a fun sleepover/movie party with all the kids on campus!! It is truly a blessing to get to act like I'm a part of the staff for 4 months as well as be welcomed in like I am. These people truly are some of the greatest. One day we took part in an all-staff day! The campus was closed down for the day and we got to go to a National Park called Parque Aurora about 1 hour away. It was a day full of team-building activities, talking about our vision for El Ayudante, and simply spending good, quality time together swimming, hiking, canoeing, and playing soccer. It was such a fun day getting to know the people I work side-by-side with a little bit better.
This month I got to FINALLY visit my good friend Laura Baxter who lives just about an hour away. It was really special, though, because Laura is from Lexington, Kentucky as well and now lives in Tegucigalpa, Honduras. It is so relieving spending time with someone who understands my heart for Honduras, what Kentucky is like, and also LOVES COFFEE. :) We spent the day in a city about 1 hour away from her called Valle de Angeles. This city was by far one of my favorites. It is full of art, color, coffee shops, and has so much character.
The rest of my time here has been hanging out with teams while they're here. It is not "team season" yet, but there have been a few teams here during my time here. When I'm not in the Learning Center, I love getting to hang out and get to know the teams and help out where I can. That includes pitching in a hand with Family Nights, VBS nights, etc. Which, as you can see, I really don't mind at all :)
The Learning Center continues to grow and grow. It is so exciting seeing the students come to love this place. We recently started a new structure to the tutoring program which includes 30 minute intervals of math, typing, a unit study (this month is geography), and bible. Josue and I have taken turns giving the bible lesson each week. For the month of May, we are currently sharing about Creation, Sin, who Jesus was/what He did, the Cross, and Resurrection. Each week we will give the same lessons to each grade. This structure has seemed to work out so much better and has really allowed us to prepare accordingly and educate well. We are also currently working on teaching them how to use computers. Many of these students have never really used computers before, so they have no idea how to do a Google search, write something on a Word document, or even copy and paste. We have been working with them to understand the basics, so they can become more independent in their work. Right now, it can be tough because if students have homework to find on the computer but they don't know how to use a computer, they are dependent on Josue and I for help. But it is such a good reminder that the reason these students have a million questions is because now there a resources available to them. I pray I never get annoyed with their questions, because the fact that they are willing to asks questions and want to learn says SO MUCH. I love seeing them be amazed with what a computer can do. That is something we truly take for granted. It is so fun getting to let the teacher inside me find creative ways to teach them. I have loved getting to know these students on a deeper level and getting to know their stories. They are so special to me and I don't even want to think about leaving in 3 weeks...
As my time here starts to dwindle away, I ask for prayer. I need to recognize and not ignore that I only have 3 more weeks left so that I will take advantage of the time, but also because I don't want to be sad while I'm here, constantly thinking about and worrying about if I'm using my time wisely or not. It has been such a blessing to be here for such a stable, consecutive amount of time. The Lord has brought so much clarity, guidance, discernment, and direction about the path He wants me to go. And all of this has been made possible through your love, prayers, and financial support. The fact that I wouldn't get to do this, to be here, without your help makes me remember why I'm here every time I want to complain. I am here because I have a crew behind me who believes in this. You all have done the impossible. Thank you for always being concerned, always checking in, and investing in the lives of students in Comayagua through being a part of my life in this way. I could never thank you enough.
The Lord has richly blessed my time here thus far and I am hoping for that even more so in my final month here. I will never understand it, but I fit in so well in a place where I stick out so much. The people are welcoming and warm and want to get to know you. They aren't in a rush and that makes all the difference. My "anhelo" is to live here full-time in the near future. But I know He directs my steps. All I must do is obey. And how could I not love and obey a God that has brought me thus far? Overflowing gratitude because I serve a Lord who allows me to enjoy serving. I get to benefit from bringing Him glory. Let's never forget how much grace He has to give. It's not that we HAVE to serve Him, it's that we GET to serve Him.
Lord, thank You for allowing me to be a part of something that seems so small, but is of great worth because it involves loving your children. Thank you for bestowing that worthiness upon us, even when we least deserve it. Thank you for calling me to a place and so intricately writing this story for me. Thank you for opportunities and timing. Thank you that you have the best hindsight I could have ever asked for. Thank you for people who have come in my life and have fallen in love with this mission too because they have seen how you have lit a spark in me for it. Thank you for giving me gifts and a place to use them where I just feel like it makes sense. I pray that you may use the last of my energy for your glory. I pray to be a vessel. I pray to be a light. I pray to be a catalyst of bringing your word, your mercy, and your redemption. I pray to be used to bring Heaven to Earth. I love you and I thank you that despite my sin, you still unconditionally love us and call us to be a part of your team. Thank you for the Learning Center -- a safe, beautiful place -- that so perfect displays what you have for these students -- Heaven: the finest of things because You have made us WORTHY. Continue to use this place and may we seek after you before making any decision.
Amen.
PRAYER REQUESTS
That I wouldn't get nervous about diving deep with people simply because I only have 3 weeks left.
That the Lord would bring the necessary help to the Learning Center to appropriately accommodate the help the students need.
That I would be blind to the distractions I have and the Lord would show me how to focus on the things He wants.
For the students that may be taken out of the Scholarship Program for not meeting requirements -- that they would still take ownership of their education and faith.
For Heydi & Leybi -- students that will no longer be continuing in the scholarship program for unique situations -- that healing would be brought to the family.
For safe travels for my team when they come (June 4th-June 10th)
To finish well and leave the Learning Center prepared for the next intern, not in a mess for them to fend for themselves.
