Father,

This upcoming week is going to be a mess and a whirlwind of craziness. I pray that we are able to see you through this time. I pray that you nourish our bodies with healthy food, little yet sufficient amounts of caffeine, and enough sleep. Lord, I pray we use this week to be obedient to You. You have called us higher. Finals week is crazy, but I pray we are able to remember that no matter what grade we get on that test, no matter how tired we are, no matter how much we'd rather be hanging out with friends, that we remember that You will always satisfy. You are bigger and better than all these things. I pray the results of these grades don't tear us down, but we can remember You are sovereign and that You are what really matters. I pray we manage our time wisely and we use the time we have to study and to be well-prepared for our upcoming exams. I pray for a different mindset and that that mindset would be to glorify you through this preparation and these exams. I pray we realize that these exams matter and we are preparing for our career in the future that is going to glorify you. Father, make us completely dependent on You this week. You are good. You are faithful. You are greater. Let us push on and persevere to achieving great things that we think are not possible. Show us Your grace, O God. Use this week to show us how great You are. Draw us near.

Amen.

{covered in brokenness, showered in grace, crowned in value}

HELLO, FRIENDS. No, I promise I didn't fall of the face of the earth. Just a very crazy semester to say the least and lots of emotions. It's been a while, but I think (hopefully) I am back on the blogging grind.

This past semester, I have had a lot of things going on and a lot put on my heart, so forewarning -- stuff's about to get real. 

Ya'll, I'm just going to be frank. This semester has SUCKED for me. I am not saying that I haven't had any fun or that big events happened in my life and now I'm depressed, but I've been disgusted with myself in my motivation for the Lord. It's been uncanny. There has literally been so many things, in all areas of my life, that have gone downhill for me that I don't even know where or how to start.. so I'm going to put this into categories.

• Grades: All my life, I have been a pretty good student. In elementary school I would ask the teacher for more spelling homework. I was the teacher's pet. I was that girl. I always tried my hardest and was obsessed with meeting my parents' expectations. Then college hit and my world was shook. I didn't know how to study, I didn't know how to cite stuff, I didn't know how to write big papers, etc. But last year (as a college freshman) I feel like it was way easier. I have really been realizing this lately. To put it lightly, my grades this semester have been struggling. It gives me a weak stomach to even say that. I have felt insecure (like REALLY insecure) about this for the first time in my life. I have lost a deep confidence in myself that I used to have and it hurts. I think back to last year, and it seems that my classes were way easier and I see the Lord's reasoning for that. Last year, I was figuring out this whole college thing while dealing with my mom's death. He knew I couldn't handle that, yet pushed and challenged me just enough in my classes which I look back on and smile with a happy heart because I am able to see His glory in hard work. But this semester, I have been lazy. I catch myself in excuses, unnecessary late nights of homework that lead to oversleeping, and assignments that are done with half-hearted effort. It irks me so much inside. I just have no motivation and thoroughly feel mentally exhausted over this semester. 
• Friends: I'm not going to beat around the bush here.. I have been a loner this semester. Seriously. I have seen so much sin in my life through secluding myself in my room or acting annoyed with people so I can use the excuse and put the blame on others making me feel left out. This is definitely something that I have been working on and want so badly to change. I hold my friends to these expectations and when I'm not invited or not asked if I want to carpool, I get upset. On the other hand, I have learned that I value my alone time. It gives me time to think. But if you looked at this semester in comparison to the rest of my life, you probably wouldn't think I was the same person. I have spent so much time by myself that it's unhealthy for me. I have seen Satan get in on the matter and use large amounts of being alone to his advantage to get inside my head and make me think I'm alone and no one wants to hang out with me. He is very deceiving, ya'll. Don't let him ruin you. I know I have GREAT friends here in Lexington, but I don't think I have taken advantage of my time to hang out with them when I can. I feel like I never hang out with my friends one-on-one anymore because of the chaos of this semester and me isolating myself. 
• Life: I know the other two categories still pertain to my life, but I didn't know what to call this one. To say the least, this semester has been TOUGH. Like really tough. I feel like it's freshman year of college part 2. I'm adapting to living off campus which includes paying for bills, gas, groceries, etc all on my own. I'm learning to balance out being a full-time Young Life leader and a full-time student and leading is officially in full-swing (with a whole school year with students, not just 4 months before summer). I'm getting more into my classes for my major and things are getting tougher. I just overwhelmed and annoyed with this semester. I love change, but I hate the unknown time period of adaptation. I cringe at the thought that adapting to something will take a really long time. That I will not feel comfortable for a while. Let's just say I want Winter Break and I want it NOW.

In the midst of all this junk in my life, Jesus is revealing how He's working in me. I see how broken I am and how desperate I am for a Savior. I know that I'M NOT PERFECT AND THAT'S OKAY. We get caught up in this world that everything has to be okay all of the time and the truth is that that's not the truth. We live in a sinful world. We're allowed to be broken, desperate, needy because it shows that we are not in control. He is. God is definitely using this season in my life for my good. He is breaking me down. He is showing me that I am not defined by bad grades. He is showing me that I am never alone. He is showing me how to survive in the real world. But also, in this, He is bringing my sin to light in me. I see that not trying with schoolwork and laziness are not healthy for me. I see that things are not always going to come easy to me and that I'm going to have to work hard for the things I want. I see that friends matter and are worth spending time with because they are encouraging and bring joy. I see that Satan can so easily creep into my life with loneliness and can rob me of my confidence. I see that my self-worth is so much more than good grades and having a lot of friends, but that my value and identity is found in Christ alone. Only He can satisfy our souls and only He can fill our empty hearts with true joy.

As sucky and trying that this season in life has been, I am thankful for who He is and what He is doing in my life. I know that He is ever after proving me genuine and that He is using this drained, desperate heart for His upcoming glory. The things He's teaching me now are what will build my character and the kind of Godly person I am called to be. I am being made perfect in His sight. I see who God is and who I am because we are not the same person. I was never meant to be someone who can handle all of this on my own, so I plead he would be with me. 

I've been listening to "I Can Just Be Me" by Laura story which you can listen to here a lot lately and it's been too good to me. It perfectly displays that we ARE allowed to be broken, needy, scattered, and desperate because it allows us to desire God all the more.

I beg for Jesus to make me like Job, that after facing such trial, I would be able to say, "Shall we accept only good from God, and not trouble?" Friends, God is the same and is still good under all circumstances. Let's praise Him in times of trouble and thank Him for those times of ease that allow us to have hope. Open your heart and let Him use this time to change you.

sweet surrender

My heart is aching right now with discontentment. I yearn to be with the Father right now and to be completely done with this thing called life. It's days and weeks like this that I literally cannot wait for Heaven. School is taking all of me and swallowing me whole and my sleep schedule is out of whack. Just when you think you have everything under control and you become proud of yourself for "having everything under control", Jesus shakes you up and shows you otherwise. It's early in the week (only Tuesday), but I am already drained and running on empty. Tests, writing assignments, quizzes, reading... I'm going crazy. But it is in these moments when God strips me of all my accomplishments and all my pride and shows me how broken I am. I have run astray lately and He is calling me to draw near to Him. My prayer for so long has been to be consumed by our sweet Father and His never-ending grace for us, but I have taken advantage of it. My bible study met last night and things got very real and to the core that stripped me of my pride. Last night, we covered the topic of sin. It was a crazy realization of how much I abandon and neglect my Creator. We read from multiple scripture, but a few that really shook me up we John 14:12 and 1 John 3:8-9.

"Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." - John 14:12.

"The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work. No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God." - 1 John 3:8-9. 

Friends, this is some really dense and heavy stuff. At least for me.

From these verses, we got to talking about the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is seriously crazy awesome. Like, I was giddy and pumped up talking about it last night.

It's so sweet seeing now, as a 19 year old college student, what the Holy Spirit is capable of doing and what I am capable of rejecting. Way too often do I have a gut feeling about doing things and I instead choose to ignore them. Life has been like this since Adam and Eve and the fall of mankind. But seriously, it amazes me how much I choose sinning over glorifying Christ and listening to the Holy Spirit.

We were given this great gift of the Holy Spirit as children of Christ to be warned when we are falling into temptation, but what do we do? We don't listen. I don't listen. I'm stubborn. I ignore. I take pride in rebellion. But that is NOT who we were created to be! The sweet Father cares enough about us to let us have something that reminds us of glorifying Him and when we do, we become more holy as a result. Sin is a disease of the heart that we are unable to fix ourselves. It breaks you down and makes you raw.

Read 1 John 3:8-9 over again. It gives me chills. Big time. When we sin, we are doing things of the devil. WHAAAAAAAT. I know in my mind, when I catch myself sinning and I ignore it, I say to myself, "Eh, whatever. It's no big deal. I have a God who loves me. There's some grace for that." That is entirely true, but that is not living a life of humility. I am taking advantage of God's grace. I don't deserve this life and God could have very easily decided not to give us the Holy Spirit, but He DID. He gave us the Holy Spirit for a reason! And when we listen to it and have faith in that gut feeling that we so hate sometimes, GREAT things are able to happen. Now read John 14:12 again...

We have the ability to do even GREATER things than what Christ did.

That blows my mind. God's Son left a legacy on this earth and is the main character of literally the best-selling book year after year after year.

The same Spirit that was with Christ when He died on the cross for you and for me is the same Spirit that dwells within us now and forever more. 

Wow. That grinds my gears to think that I have the same power that Christ did in me to do these amazing things, but instead I choose to go my separate way. As John 14:12 says, the whole reason that Christ came was to get rid of sin and get rid of the devil's work. Let's defeat this sin together, friends.

So my prayer this week is for you and for me. When we feel deep conviction from the Holy Spirit of our sin, let's not throw them under the radar. Let's bring them to the light and find a way to slowly but surely defeat them. God calls us to righteousness, but to His righteousness, not our own. Don't hold back. Don't be afraid. Be transparent and allow yourself to be broken. After all, we aren't our own saviors. Come to him now so you can be made blameless and spotless in His sight. We were made to live extraordinary lives and do extraordinary things. Don't sell yourself short. Defeat this sin and draw near.

What you deem "impossible" in your mind is redeemed "attainable" through Christ. 

Come to Him tonight. I know I am.

{abundance}

Hey, ya'll. I know I haven't done this is a good, long while, but I'm back! I promise! Lots has been happening lately, and this summer was great (which I will catch you all up on in a post coming soon), but tonight was just too great not to share. And just what I've been learning this week in all.

Tonight was our first club of the year at Tates Creek High School. For those that don't know, I am involved in a Christian Organization called Young Life that is all about Jesus. Leaders (college-aged or older) can be placed as leaders and go into the schools to build positive, healthy relationships with high school and middle school students and earn the right to be heard in order to share the gospel with our middle and high school friends. Well, as a part of Young Life, an event that the leaders put together is called club. Club is usually once a week at a student from the high school's house. While there, students will laugh together, play games together, sing songs together, watch skits together, and finally hear something about Jesus together. It's pretty freaking great.

I just can't even explain to you how happy my heart gets while at club. And tonight was kidnap club! Even better! Students that typically come to club will arrive early and then go out for 20 minutes to "kidnap" their friends to bring and introduce them to club! It's a great opportunity to get to meet some new faces!

And that's exactly what happened. There were so many new faces at club tonight! Like, seriously. It was awesome. There were lots of clothes pins, lots of crickets, lots of Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift, and lots and lots of laughs! At the beginning, when the kids that typically come were arriving, there were absolutely NO girls in sight, so I was feeling a bit discouraged. But literally, the Lord ROCKED me. The few girls that could drive ended up kidnapping up TONS of girls. It was crazy! I got to meet so many new people; I loved it!

Afterwards, as usual, we headed off to McDonalds and I got the chance to take a couple new girls there and home. It was a big blessing to me, though. There wasn't any awkward silence, nothing. Lots of talking. It was just so natural. Gosh. I ended up getting a few girls' numbers to invite them to other events and I am super pumped about getting to know them. 

Needless to say, I drove home crying my eyes out and praising our sweet Lord for His goodness to me lately.

All this made me put together everything God has been putting right in front of my face.

I had actually been dreading this week also, because this upcoming Sunday marks 1 year since my heart-of-a-servant mother passed away and all the events kept flooding my mind. 

But the Lord has really put something on my heart lately and that's abundance. 

Through these dreadful, yet exciting preparations for this week, I have been learning that God gives abundantly in every way possibly.

I see it in my ministry at Tates Creek where He offers new life. I see it in the number of students that came to club tonight. I see it in His love when I feel alone. I see it in my mother's passing and her new life with Jesus. I see it in His grace when I never fail to fail Him. I see it in the number of changes and trials I have gone through this year with Him by my side. I see it in answers to desperate prayers. I see it in the number of good conversations tonight. But, I see it most blatantly in John 10:10. 

Not only was this perfectly placed in the club talk without me knowing it (thanks, Rouse), but also it was the verse on my journal entry from a year ago when my mom was in the hospital and the reoccurring verse that would randomly appear in everything thereafter. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." - John 10:10.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this was indeed the verse that was my "theme" during the  struggle in my heart of not being in control of whether or not my mom lived. It was also the verse that they read at the church service I went to that week. Is it a coincidence that the verse is popping up again at a club talk the exact week that marks one year? I think not. That's God. That is God being personal and intimate by pulling on my heart strings and reminding me of His sweet promise. He just wants us to have the fullest life possible. Only that fullness can come from Him, friends. And I pray that my sweet friends at Tates Creek will join in on this offer of life. Because He is abundant. Abundant in love, abundant in grace, abundant in promises, and offers us a genuine, full, abundant life.

Whether it means being in Heaven with Jesus prasing our Father like my mom or even accepting His offer to live in freedom on this earth without any more burdens, I think we all should "have life and have it abundantly" because that's what Christ came for.


... Just thought I would add to this because it's relevant..
I was just journaling, and guess what the quote on the page says. JUST GUESS. Here it is:

"We know that [God] gives us every grace, every abundant grace; and though we are so weak of ourselves, this grace is able to carry us through every obstacle and difficulty." - Elizabeth Ann Seton.

That really hit home. Especially since I read it after the fact of writing this blog post. Crazy how He works. He is so good to us and won't leave us to fend for ourselves. Ya'll, our God is mighty to save!

... Sorry this keeps happening, but I can't help but add little things that God does to remind me! I was reading through old Facebook posts from a year ago when my mom was in the hospital and saw that I posted this verse:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort." - 1 Corinthians 1:3-7.

Okay this is just too cool how this word keeps showing up in everything. He is definitely trying to show me something here! Holy crap. Just reading through all my friends comments and messages from a year ago and seeing how much love, support, and prayers that people showed me only proves our Lord to be more real. This year has been a year of abundance for sure. Thankful for so many great friends that took so much out of their time to listen to me and love me so well. They truly "shared abundantly" in my suffering so I could see and feel the comfort of Christ. Blessed to have some great family and friends in my life. I wouldn't be who I am today without ya'll. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. Because of you, I know the comfort of Christ and the true meaning and importance of fellowship. Praise be to God!

so. many. blessings.

Ya'll, I'm going crazy. The past three weeks have been a HUGE blessing. I can't even describe how much my heart has been touched and moved by the promises the Lord keeps. AND there is so much coming up that I am super excited for. Let me fill you in...

About three weeks ago, I was frustrated and so upset with myself. Things weren't going as planned, I didn't feel like I was really doing as well as I could in my classes because I was just being lazy. I really, really was not representing God well and being a faithful servant to Him. I kept getting more and more upset about it and it was really tugging on my heart to change some things. My flesh really didn't want to deep down, but I knew that the Father was telling me that I have so much potential and that He believed in me. So, that's what got me going.

I decided to do my homework the day I get it and always be on top of things. I planned on going to bed early, waking up on time (and having time to eat breakfast), spend intentional time with the Lord everyday, etc. And for the past three weeks it's gone great! It has been exactly that (more or less - we all have our slip-ups). I have never felt more motivated and more ready to plow through things than now. He is so good. Friends, I have been praying for motivation for a good year now and I finally feel like I know what that means. Although it takes practice, I am learning to kneed my heart into leaving behind my old ways and becoming more responsible and a more diligent child of God. And just because you're motivated one day does not mean you will feel that way the next. But it does mean that the more you rely on God to fill your cup everyday and make you whole just to glorify Him, you will succeed. God will bless you in ways you cannot imagine.

I am excited about this. I'm excited to see what's going to happen and how the Lord will grow me closer to Him.

In other news.....
THERE'S ONLY 16 MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL LEFT FOR ME. My Freshman Year of college is slowly coming to an end. Definitely bittersweet. I cannot believe it. Gosh, just looking back and seeing how the whole time the Father help me in His hands and took care of me. I cannot get over how crazy of a year it's been, truly. From being a shaking-in-her-boots, I-don't-wanna-grow-up, will-do-anything-to-stay-in-high-school senior at Dixie this time last year, I can't explain how much my heart has been changed. I was scared to death of college. I mean it. Scared. To. Death. I loved Dixie and I loved my friends and I loved Young Life there. More importantly, though, I did not want to leave my mom. I didn't want to be away from here. I wanted to spend every precious moment possible with her as I could. But I knew God had put it on my heart to have a desire to go to UK. To get comfortable being uncomfortable. To be alone sometimes, but to find myself. That's what I needed and His plan was definitely better than I expected. I've found community, I've found sweet friends, I've found so many great things on campus and I am able to see the work of the Lord in all of them. I cherish my family so much more because of what we went through this year and that I don't see them as much, so I appreciate them that much more. I feel like my heart is being softened to love others more. I am different, but better person because of this Freshman Year of college. And I am thankful for that.

And on to bigger and better things....
There are so many little things that I am so excited for that are coming up pretty soon. Lemme just tell ya:

1. Chicago: I'm going to Chicago this weekend for a leader training called Gynoskow. I am seriously so excited. I've never been to Chicago before and we're gonna take pictures with the bean! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO TAKE PICTURES WITH THE BEAN! Also, I get to spend my time there with some pretty cool cats that I've wanted to get to know! :)
2. Needtobreathe: My whole leader team is heading to Louisville next Thursday for the Needtobreathe concert! I cannot explain to you how excited I am to spend that night loving Jesus with them. Just another opportunity to bond and get to know each other better!
3. Taylor Swift: YESSIR I AM GOING TO THE TAYLOR SWIFT CONCERT. Wow. I am too excited. In two weekends, I will be seeing my favorite artist since 7th or 8th grade perform live. Ya'll this has been my dream for a while now! And I'm going with my sweet, sweet friend, Katelyn, who I've known since 2nd grade. She goes to Xavier now and we hardly ever see each other, so I am excited to catch up with her!! :)
4. Last Day of School: May 3rd is creeping in on me! It is the last day of my freshman year. My last exam for the year is that day! I am so joyful. Wow, it's gone by so quick. I still remember moving in like it was yesterday. SUMMER IS NEAR :)
5. Leader Weekend: This isn't for a little while, but man, oh man, am I pumped!! Going to camp with close friends that are leaders in Lexington, Northern Kentucky, AND Louisville?!! It's seriously going to be the greatest weekend ever! 42 DAYS!

That's just about all that's going on right now, but I just thought I'd share with you things in the past that I'm really excited about and things in the future that I'm really excited about and how those things are making me excited in the present! I love looking back and looking forward to see what God's done. And lately I've just been hit hard.

"Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir." - Galatians 4:6-7.


I am kneading my heart for the Bread of Life.

{per·se·ver·ance}

Definiton:

1. Steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.
2. Continuance in a state of grace leading finally to a state of glory.

I think this is the most perfect word to describe fighting for your faith with Jesus. No matter what happens, you never give up on Him because He never gave up on you.

 

Just look at the second definition. Continuance in a state of grace leading finally to a state of glory. Ya'll this is what loving Jesus is all about. Jesus persevered and now as received glory from the Father. He took all of our weaknesses and all of our sin upon Himself so that we could be one with the Father someday.

 

God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God. - 2 Corinthians 5:21.
 

Jesus became sin for us. For you. For me. For every baby that isn't born yet. For our great great grandparents. For EVERYONE. For each heart that was created to desire a relationship and to be loved by its Creator. That is all of us.

So what are we to do when the going gets tough? Well, it's easier said than done, but keep on trucking. Stick beside the one real thing that you know and that's the Lord. People change, situations change, we change, places change, the timing's not right, etc. But the one thing that will be consistent in our lives forever is the love of our beautiful Savior and how He views us. He loves us unconditionally. Those of you that don't know that, you're in store for a wonderful suprise. God doesn't ever look at you and say, "You disgust me", "You are not worthy", "You're ugly", "You're a failure at life", "You'll never make it anywhere in life", "You're one big disappointment". Instead, it is the total opposite! The Father looks at His obedient children and says, "You've been made clean!", "You are worthy of my love!", "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen!", "You have so much going for you and you will succeed!", "I am proud of you!". He loves us, friends. Imagine a friend of yours that has the biggest heart out there. They love with no end. They give their life up. They are fair and consistent. They don't walk in and out of your life like it doesn't matter. That is our precious Father times infinity! We cannot even fathom how wonderful our Creator is. His love for us is beautiful. His love "never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out" on us.

But so many times we don't believe it. At least I know I don't. I think that I have so many expectations I have to meet in order to be right in the eyes of God. All those things above that God doesn't say to you are exactly all the things I have caught Satan filling my mind with the past month since I have been placed as a Young Life leader. Not only has Satan been filling my mind with these things, but I have been listening to these things and believing them!! That is where what I have been learning lately comes in...

Over Spring Break, UK College Life went to Panama City Beach in Florida to spend the week together. Oh goodness, how great it was to relax. It was great to just have a glimpse of what eternal rest with the Lord is going to be like. But the best and sweetest part about all of it was coming to my senses and realizing what was going on inside of me. We read a book that week that talked about having a cross-centered life. There was specifically one chapter that really hit home in my heart. It talked about how we need to learn to talk to ourselves rather than listen to ourselves. This is because when we talk to ourselves, we are able to get things straight and see where things are going wrong. We have control. But when we are just listening to ourselves - to our own thoughts - Satan is able to control those thoughts and turn them into lies. Lately, Satan has just been feeding me those lies and has made me feel so small. He has made me think that I am unable to be a great Young Life leader and that the Lord won't help me. I have felt ugly and dumb (which all girls feel at some point) and that I have no friends. I have felt as though there is something big wrong with me because I haven't met that many girls at Tates Creek and built real relationships there yet. He has made me believe that God doesn't want me to do this and thinks I just suck at life.

I feel like many times Christians are viewed as having this perfect little life and that they don't struggle with anything. My, oh, my is that wrong. Let me tell you something... I struggle. I am the driver of the struggle bus! There are so many things that are going on in my life that I can't think straight. I carry so much baggage. I have junk. Lots of it. But at the end of the day, I am reminded, though, that I can unload alllllll that baggage, all that junk, and all those struggles onto Jesus. That's why He died on the cross. He took all our junk and all our sins on Him so that we could be seen as pure, clean, spotless children of God. This has made us righteous! We have been redeemed! We don't have to live with that anymore.

I know for dang sure that those thoughts don't go away with the drop of a hat. I have to talk to myself and remind myself that I am a beautiful daughter of the King and that I am perfect in His eyes. I know I need to tough it out and persevere so that I am led to a final state of glory. That state of glory is rewarded to the runners that run the race wholeheartedly and without stopping. With steadfastness. Despite difficulty or delay. That is the way of being right in the eyes of God. God throws struggles at you too to test your heart. I am learning patience from all of this. I know that it's not going to be easy come, easy go with leading. And with the other new leaders that I compare myself to, God is showing me that Tates Creek is completely different than every school. All of them are different. I am in a completely different situation. All of us are going to struggle. It's whether or not we fight back that matters. When we do fight back, that is when God is pleased. And God throws so much grace at us when these things happen. When we listen to Satan and His lies, that's when He is disgusted. He hates our sin, not us. He loves us and redeems us every time we turn away.

I am so thankful for that. A God who sees me and thinks I'm beautiful and deserving of this when I am actually a filthy rag and turn away from Him so often. Gosh, He is so good.

One of my favorite verses that my old Young Life leader showed me a while back that yanks on my heart's strings (now more than ever) is:

"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." - Hebrew 10:35-36.
 

God has a plan for our lives. When we let Him take control of that plan rather than Satan or even ourselves, we will receive what He has promised.

So, it looks like Casey's got a lot of waiting on the Lord to do. And a lot of praying. And a lot of talking to herself rather than listening. Hopefully I don't look like a crazy person. :)


Here's a song by Building 429 that has really hit home. I heard it on the radio yesterday when I had a meltdown about all of this. It's really great. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgFHG4rDKqw

One more thing that I just love is something I read from a bible study leader's  (Angie Poston) blog recently. It's a simple quote but so true and something I've really been realizing:

"It's hard to know the condition of your heart until you experience the healing you never knew you needed."

 

Continue forward in the Lord's state of grace to share in His eternal state of glory with obedience and perseverance.

Father of Love, You can have me!

Is there anything that you're just so passionate about that you get giddy just thinking about it? Yep, that's me with Young Life. I went to Rockbridge for camp the summer after my Freshman year of high school in 2009 and there was no turning back from there. I surrendered my whole being to Jesus Christ as my Savior. Is what the most freeing and refreshing moment ever. And little did I know that it wasn't just going to be for a moment. It was going to be a freedom that carried on for the rest of my life. Also, I didn't really know what it meant to have a relationship with Christ until learning more and more about Him from that point on. I didn't realize the power and love that our Lord has for His children. But this realization really became more real this year. Yes, I have been faced with a multitude of trials and blessings, but the one I want to focus on right now is what has been an ongoing blessing since the very first week of college. This blessing is my Young Life/College Life community here in
Lexington.

College Life on Halloween!

Being together 1 day a week for College Life quickly turned into 2 days a week when we began leader training which quickly turned into spending time with one another everyday as we became a family and community together. These people are seriously the greatest. There is just something about this group that has my heart. I love each and every one of them so dearly and I am so thankful the Lord has put each one of them in my life. We worship together, we pray together, we go to church together, we eat lunch together, we watch movies together, we share our life stories together, and most of all, we love one another. These people are too good to me. My God is too good to me. How blessed is our Great Deliverer!

After a few months or so of getting to know one another and going through leader training together, it came down to crunch week. It was the week of placement. Sunday was our last leader training, Monday was when we had our interviews, Wednesday was College Life, Thursday all the guys in leader training took all the girls in leader training out to dinner for Valentine's Day (sooo sweet!), and Friday was the placement party! I had a BIG week ahead of me! But hey, I got through it!

Valentine's Day Dinner at Ramsey's! (I'm not in this picture; we left early!)

And guess what!

 

CASEY IS NOW A YOUNG LIFE LEADER AT TATES CREEK HIGH SCHOOL

 

 

 

Sorry for so much beating around the bush, but I wanted to build the suspense! :)

 



The new leaders of Tates Creek at placement!



Ya'll the Lord has been so faithful to me. I cannot even fathom it. I am just so thankful that He found me and met me where I was and He gives me this opportunity (when I for sure don't deserve it) to share Christ with high school students. He could so easily do it all on His own, but He invites us in to share this with Him! How great is He?! He gives our lives worth and provides a love for us that will not fade.




My new co-leader, Emily Jones! :) The 2 new girl leaders!

I am so excited to just run alongside my Creator by taking part in a ministry that was such a great tool in my life that helped me come to know the Lord. Now, I have the privledge of helping other kids like me (and unlike me!) come to know the Lord. WOW! What. A. Huge. Blessing. Thankful for all of those who have supported me through the years and continue to back me up as I begin this new journey with my Father from a different perspective. SO EXCITED :)

Music Reaches the Soul

Music does wonders, plain and simple. It can be any genre and it makes you feel something inside of you that just makes you feel like you are completely expressing yourself. It's so freeing and fun. Lyrics can describe exactly what you're going through or hit too close to home. They can be just what you needed to hear. Music is a wonderful gift that the Lord has presented us with. It's one of my favorite things, without a doubt.

Songs have the ability to make you cry, jump for joy, smile, praise, and just feel awesome. It's amazing. For me, I really enjoy all genres of music. One that reaches down in my soul and makes me feel the most alive, though, is worship music. There's just something about crying out the Father and that you are in total presence of the Lord. Joy. Utter joy. There's just a connection to our Father that you feel like is closer to Him than just praying. There's just something about worship music, man.

One of my all-time favorite worship songs is Forever Reign by Hillsong. I've just always loved it for some reason. Now, it has much more of a significance to me. It holds a very special place in my heart.

When I found out that the doctor's couldn't do anything else for my mom, I was in class. I vividly remember this. I went to the bathroom, came back, looked at my phone, then went back in the hallway because I received a call from my dad and a text from my brother saying, "Family meeting tonight back at home at 6". I immediately called my dad asking him what was going on. At this point, my mom had been at UK hospital for about a week and a half. My dad explained to me on the phone that there was nothing else that the doctor's could do for my mom and that the family had to make the choice of whether or not to keep her on oxygen for more time while she just stays in the hospital struggling and we just wait for her to pass or if we should take her off of everything and let her pass peacefully while everyone was there. My dad told me all of this over the phone. I started bawling. There was nothing I could do. I had no control over the situation. I went to the bathroom and wiped my eyes and headed back into my class. We were watching a video, but that definitely was not where my focus was. I knew I wasn't going to be able to watch the video or even do anything in class without crying. So I wrote. I wrote all my feelings and fears and prayers to the Lord. This helped more than I could ever imagine.

After class, I went back to my dorm where Grace was. I explained to her everything that was going on and bawled my eyes out, of course (I hate crying in front of people). Then, I went to the bathroom, was in the bathroom stall and just cried and prayed. Out of no where, absolutely no where, Forever Reign came to my head. It wasn't like I had just listened to it beforehand or anything. No, I hadn't heard it in weeks. How it came to my head, I have no idea. Wait, I know how, IT WAS ALL MY LOVING SAVIOR. Every single bit. And the part that came to my mind specifically was,

"Oh, I'm runnin' to Your arms, I'm runnin' to Your arms. The riches of You Love will always be enough. Nothing compares to Your embrace. Light of the World, forever reign."
 

I just kept singing those lyrics over and over and over again in my head. There was nothing I could do in this situation. Nothing. But the everlasting love of my Heavenly Father reminded me through these lyrics that I needed to trust in Him. Nothing compares to His embrace. His love is enough and will protect you and walk with you through the hardest days of your life. His Spirit dwells inside of you and is unleashed to the extreme when the water's get too high to handle. He carries you on His wings. He protects. He comforts. He loves. He got me through the biggest thing in my life. And a part of that came with Him putting a song on my heart.

And guess what! That song was played at church and leadership the weekend after she had passed. Coincidence? I think not. Just the Lord reminding me each day that He is there for me. How great! And guess what else! I start crying every time I hear it. In church, at leadership, in my dorm, everywhere!! EVERYWHERE! I don't even care about crying in front of people anymore. It's is good for the soul to sing it and cry out to Him! He is good!

I am so blessed to have a God that is bigger than ALL my fears and struggles. A God who make life worth living and allows us to have no fear in death. I miss my mom an awful lot. Her laugh, her jokes, her smile, her HUGS. Everything. But just knowing that she is resting with the Lord - her wonderful Maker - right now overwhelms my soul. It is so reassuring to know that. She is still here with me. In all I do she is here. I love her so much. Tomorrow marks 5 months without her. It seems like forever. She was such a light to everyone and I am so thankful for the Lord giving me her. I miss you, Mommy. Tell Jesus I said hi! :)

 

Nervous.

I'm just freaking out a little. I need to get my priorities straight. I have had no motivation lately for anything. Homework is such a struggle for me to do anymore and I just always result to wanting to miss class (but I don't) and feeling sorry for myself. And we all know how it ends, at least for me - crying. Casey cries when she's stressed out. Well, if you thought I only cry when I'm stressed out, man, did I fool you? I need to get a grip on this whole college thing. No more excuses for homework. I have so much time to do it with work and everything. Gosh, sometimes I get so mad at myself. I am not glorifying Jesus through these tasks He has put in front of me. College is a place for preparing yourself for a career in the future that you will use to glorify and represent Him. If we are not well prepared for this career, then we won't be representing Jesus well. I need to remind myself of that. I can just get so unmotivated. And I HATE it. Just a little bit of a venting post.

Lord, give me the strength and power that you had to push through. Help me to seek You more and represent You well through my diligence and obedience in the work you have put before me. Motivate my heart and "set a fire down in my soul". Give me this passion to work for You wholeheartedly, Lord. That's what we were made to do, Lord. Remind me of Your promises for me. That when I am discouraged with procrastination, that You let me know that none of this matters once Your Kingdom comes, God. But let me also remember that You Kingdom isn't here yet, so I still need to persevere and work for You, Father. Give my heart the passion to follow You, Lord.

Give me faith to trust what You say.

Man, second blog. The pressure's starting. Hahaha, just kidding. The past two days just have been full of God's love, though. I don't know how, but I have been full of joy. Seriously like pure joy. It's ridiculous!! It's all the little things that I keep noticing. I feel like so many times, it's so easy to see how the Lord works in our lives through huge miracles and sparing a person's life and things to that nature. It's things like that when everyone sees God's handiwork. But what about through prayers of "little" things. The past to days, I have literally gone to bed super late and I simply prayed for the Lord to refresh my soul and to live in happiness in His presence for the day. I hate days where I feel like a complete slob and I complain about literally everything. I just feel like complete crap and not like I am representing Jesus well when I have days when I'm in a bad mood. But Tuesday was seriously such a beautiful day. The weather, the sunshine, the things I was doing, the coffee (gosh I love my coffee), and just everything seemed great. I was supposed to go to Henry Clay High School's club that night too, so I was super excited. My day was going great. I was able to dive into scripture during work, which really makes my day sooooo much better. I am currently reading John for bible study and I just read John 13 and 14 in a way I have never read it before. Just realizing how humble Jesus was in these chapters and how he knew all along what His death was going to come down to. It shows how the Lord comforted his disciples and all of His promises for us. It was perfect for what I am struggling with right now. I am just nervous, yet excited, about leading and what the Lord has in store for my future with it. I just constantly think about students not liking me and how hard it will be, but I was slapped in the face by scripture...

"I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these because I am going to the Father." - John 14:12.
 

What an awesome reminder!!! It is so great being reminded that the Lord came down from Heaven - yes, HEAVEN - to save us because we have turned from Him, but yet allows us to do His work?! He gives us the opportunity of a lifetime and lets US be a part of this when He can do it alllllll by Himself. Wow!! He reassures me that I will do great things if I have faith in Him. Gosh, what a motivation!

On Saturday night, a handful of people from College Life went to a night of worship put on by some CSF (Christian Student Fellowship) students (which was absolutely amazing). While we were there, a guy named Pastor Tim was there to pray with people. At first, I will say, I was a little freaked out by this whole shabang, but I decided to have Pastor Tim pray for me. I went with my friend Brittany and everything that came out of that man's mouth was purely the Holy Spirit speaking through him.... it was crazy!! He prayed for self-doubt for me, which seriously hit home. It was exactly what I needed. He said that I would impact so many people while I was in college and that I wouldn't be discouraged.

To say the least, I was utterly amazed afterwards. He hit the nail on the head. No, the Holy Spirit hit the nail on the head. I have been so afraid lately of what lies ahead of me. But I was reassured! Just looking at what I've been reading lately and how it has been applying to my life is eye-opening. It's awesome seeing that if we have faith in the Lord, He will have faith in us to work alongside Him. He believes in me when I don't even believe in myself. He demonstrates being bold and defending my faith. He shows us how to love wholeheartedly, which I what I hope to show some of my girls in the future. I just can't wait to lead and trusting completely on the Lord to provide and protect me. It's just good for the soul.

By ending, I want to share my most recent favorite worship song that we've been singing at leadership and College Life. It's just been super relative and it explains the cry of my heart right now. Please listen! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8PLBQrzWQ8&noredirect=1

I think from now on I'm going to end with a prayer because it just ends these things perfectly.

Father God, let your glory reach every nation. Let it be known the grace and redemption of your love, Lord. I thank You so much for the past couple of days that I have felt Your presence and I have been just completely filled with joy. Lord, I pray that I am constantly reminded of You and Your faith in me. When the world says no, You say go. I am so excited to a follower of the King by being a leader of the disinterested. I pray for a leap of faith into the unknown and you grace my lips with love for my future conversations with these students. I pray that I can continue to see how You have been shaping my life and growing me to love you more. Thank you for putting in a heart of flesh that was made to love You and taking out my heart of stone that rejected you. I pray that when given the opportunity, I choose to let you into my life. Break my heart for what breaks yours. It's in Your Name I pray.

 

 

 

 

 

Just in awe.

Can't even come close to describing how the Lord has been working in me lately. It's just so great to see what He is doing in my life and how His loves covers the depths of my life. It's seriously amazing. I don't have the best writing ability at all, but I just wanted to keep kind of an online journal of how the Lord is impacting my life in Lexington when I never thought He would. Here's a little rewind into my life:

I went to Dixie Heights all through high school. Through being a part of Young Life and going to Rockbridge for summer camp the summer after my freshman year, I made the greatest decision I have ever made - to respond to Christ's offer and surrender my heart and soul to Him.

Summer Camp at Rockbridge 2009.

Since then, it's been a crazy, yet awesome journey. He has brought me closer and closer to Him these past 3 and a half years and I cannot fathom how.


On September 8th, 2012, I lost my mother. She was the greatest influence of love in my life. She had been having heart problems since April 2011 and being in and out of the hospital in between. Yes, it definitely is hard going into your first semester of your freshman year of college (already stressed and scared from the start) with your mom passing away the second week of school. It was a very tough thing to deal with, but the Lord carried me without growing weak.



Mom and I at a Christmas party in 2011. My last Christmas with her.

Now, I am still at the University of Kentucky as a Spanish major just trying to grow each and every day with the Lord by my side and teaching me to trust in Him with every decision and move I make.

I am currently in training down here to be a Young Life leader, which is really humbling me and making me desire the Lord more and more. It's awesome. I get placed on February 15th. Wow, I am really excited. It's just crazy to think that a year ago at this time, I was just deciding I wanted to go to UK. When I visited UK, I hated it. I almost went to Louisville (brb, crying inside)!! But being down here in Lexington, I am slowly but surely realizing that this is where the Lord wants me to be. I am challenged here and that is what I needed. I am beginning to have a heart for Lexington. Gosh, that is crazy. I just can't wait to see how the Lord will use me in students' lives either at a middle school or a high school. But for now, I have an awesome, encouraging community that I can fall back on that I am SO thankful for. Each and every one of them are so great.

First UK football game with my new Lexington friends.

As I finish my lengthy, but first, blog post, I would like to pray for this blog and what I hope to accomplish with it...

Lord, open my eyes to new things. Open give me Your arms to every student that I will come in contact with once I am placed. I just pray for a big heart that desires more of You, Lord, and to be more like You, Lord. Father, I pray that this blog isn't used for pointless things that I use to avoid homework. I pray that it is used to bring You and only You glory. I pray that it allows me to reflect on how You're changing my life, Lord. No matter how prone I am to wander, Father, I pray that I am reminded that You are the same forever and Your love is never ending. I pray "I fall so deeply in love with Your name, Jesus, that I forget my own", Lord. Lord, thank You for the cross and reminding me of Your love and that I have something better to look forward to as hope everyday. Thank You for the Cross, Father. It's in Your Name I pray.