sweet surrender

My heart is aching right now with discontentment. I yearn to be with the Father right now and to be completely done with this thing called life. It's days and weeks like this that I literally cannot wait for Heaven. School is taking all of me and swallowing me whole and my sleep schedule is out of whack. Just when you think you have everything under control and you become proud of yourself for "having everything under control", Jesus shakes you up and shows you otherwise. It's early in the week (only Tuesday), but I am already drained and running on empty. Tests, writing assignments, quizzes, reading... I'm going crazy. But it is in these moments when God strips me of all my accomplishments and all my pride and shows me how broken I am. I have run astray lately and He is calling me to draw near to Him. My prayer for so long has been to be consumed by our sweet Father and His never-ending grace for us, but I have taken advantage of it. My bible study met last night and things got very real and to the core that stripped me of my pride. Last night, we covered the topic of sin. It was a crazy realization of how much I abandon and neglect my Creator. We read from multiple scripture, but a few that really shook me up we John 14:12 and 1 John 3:8-9.

"Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." - John 14:12.

"The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work. No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God." - 1 John 3:8-9. 

Friends, this is some really dense and heavy stuff. At least for me.

From these verses, we got to talking about the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is seriously crazy awesome. Like, I was giddy and pumped up talking about it last night.

It's so sweet seeing now, as a 19 year old college student, what the Holy Spirit is capable of doing and what I am capable of rejecting. Way too often do I have a gut feeling about doing things and I instead choose to ignore them. Life has been like this since Adam and Eve and the fall of mankind. But seriously, it amazes me how much I choose sinning over glorifying Christ and listening to the Holy Spirit.

We were given this great gift of the Holy Spirit as children of Christ to be warned when we are falling into temptation, but what do we do? We don't listen. I don't listen. I'm stubborn. I ignore. I take pride in rebellion. But that is NOT who we were created to be! The sweet Father cares enough about us to let us have something that reminds us of glorifying Him and when we do, we become more holy as a result. Sin is a disease of the heart that we are unable to fix ourselves. It breaks you down and makes you raw.

Read 1 John 3:8-9 over again. It gives me chills. Big time. When we sin, we are doing things of the devil. WHAAAAAAAT. I know in my mind, when I catch myself sinning and I ignore it, I say to myself, "Eh, whatever. It's no big deal. I have a God who loves me. There's some grace for that." That is entirely true, but that is not living a life of humility. I am taking advantage of God's grace. I don't deserve this life and God could have very easily decided not to give us the Holy Spirit, but He DID. He gave us the Holy Spirit for a reason! And when we listen to it and have faith in that gut feeling that we so hate sometimes, GREAT things are able to happen. Now read John 14:12 again...

We have the ability to do even GREATER things than what Christ did.

That blows my mind. God's Son left a legacy on this earth and is the main character of literally the best-selling book year after year after year.

The same Spirit that was with Christ when He died on the cross for you and for me is the same Spirit that dwells within us now and forever more. 

Wow. That grinds my gears to think that I have the same power that Christ did in me to do these amazing things, but instead I choose to go my separate way. As John 14:12 says, the whole reason that Christ came was to get rid of sin and get rid of the devil's work. Let's defeat this sin together, friends.

So my prayer this week is for you and for me. When we feel deep conviction from the Holy Spirit of our sin, let's not throw them under the radar. Let's bring them to the light and find a way to slowly but surely defeat them. God calls us to righteousness, but to His righteousness, not our own. Don't hold back. Don't be afraid. Be transparent and allow yourself to be broken. After all, we aren't our own saviors. Come to him now so you can be made blameless and spotless in His sight. We were made to live extraordinary lives and do extraordinary things. Don't sell yourself short. Defeat this sin and draw near.

What you deem "impossible" in your mind is redeemed "attainable" through Christ. 

Come to Him tonight. I know I am.